And me. I didn’t get one of these in my mailbox either, but that isn’t going to stop me from making a counterfeit one using the most skilled day clerk at Kinko’s, a gold Sharpie a copy of Prince Hot Ginge’s saliva (made with jalapeno lube, the gel from 2 Red Hots, vodka mucous and liquid fire). This is the fancy invitation that Prince William and Kate Middleton sent out last week to 1,000 of their closest friends as well as 900 family members, government officials and dignitaries from around the world. Yes, and I’ve already sent my reply to Lord Richard Chamberlain requesting the bangers and mash for dinner and the spotted dick (I’m guessing PHG has freckles all over) for dessert.
Popeater says that one name has been left off the guest list for Prince Willy and Kate Bottompound’s wedding (or as Kate calls it, THE DAY THE CROWN IS FINALLY FUCKING MINE day) and that name begins with “The Original” and ends with “Fergie.” Even though Fergie’s ex-husband Prince Andrew and their two daughters were invited, Fergie was not. Sources say that the royal family did not appreciate Fergie selling their asses out and think that if she goes to the wedding, she’ll hide a camera in her QVC broach and sell the pictures to the News of the World. Fergie confirms that she wasn’t invited and says that she never expected a royal eVite to land in her inbox anyway.
It isn’t a royal event without Fergie there to throw cunt shade at The Queen (a cuntsy, if you will) and then ruin the whole thing by drunkenly falling into the cake while doing the electric slide. Fergie can be my plus one when I crash that shit with the help of my counterfeit invitation. But she better wear her finest gold leisure suit since Prince William and Kate are obviously serious about their loungewear.