Does A Crystal Jar Of Her Lonely Tears Come With It?

February 19, 2011 / Posted by:

10,000 square feet of luxury that has been christened with Jennifer Aniston’s tequila-infused miserable tears of loneliness can be yours for only $42 million. Jennifer bought the Beverly Hills house in 2006 for 13.5 million, and spent 2 years and $15 million on renovating it. When the last strip of shag rug was laid down, Jennifer dubbed the place “Ohana,” which is Hawaiian for “OhaaaaaaawcomeIdonthaveaman.” The house was featured in an Architectural Digest cover spread and Jennifer told the magazine that the house felt like a “hug” to her. No comment. Too easy. Etc…

People (via Gawker) reports that the house isn’t officially on the market yet. Jen’s broker is quietly showing the place to an “elite group” of real estate agents. Jen also told People recently that when she was in London, she had an epiphany and realized that her life is too cluttered. That’s when she decided to downsize and sell her house. Jen said, “I had the realization that this is just too much for me. I’m not this person.”

BUT FOR 42 MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS?! For $42 million I can buy the Lost island and build a clone of Tattoos and tamed smoke monsters who will feed me Dharma caviar from a spoon made of Lovey Howell’s diamond earrings. 42 MILLION?! You know how long it would take for Maddox to save up his allowance so that he can buy Jennifer’s house and then torch it with a flaming Beanie Baby? At least 4 weeks. That’s three lifetimes in Maddox years. I swear, Jennifer better include her entire Beanie Baby underground dungeon for that price.

And you know, I sort of like her house. It’s like a luxury Polynesian porn hotel. If I opened the door to that bedroom, I would not be surprised to find Roller Girl ogling at Dirk Diggler’s dick.

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