Think about all the times Denise Richards has walked in on an 18-year-old call girl trying to resuscitate a blacked out Charlie Sheen by blowing crack smoke into his mouth (aka Crackpulmonary Resuscitation)? A LOT. The memory chip in Denise Richards’ head must look a lot like Brian De Palma’s entire catalog. And yet, Denise always pastes a programmed smile on her face and refuses to drag Charlie through the shit pile whenever anybody asks about him. In the age of ho tricks selling every detail to tabloids for an anal bleaching gift certificate and a Sunset Tan coupon, Denise stays pretty much mute. They don’t make hos like Denise anymore.
For instance, Denise is a guest co-host on The View today (they pre-taped that shit yesterday) and Radar says she didn’t slam the asshole who signs her child support check when Barbara Walters asked her if his latest act of crackery surprises her.
“No, I mean it doesn’t. I mean, you know this is Charlie’s lifestyle. He makes no bones about it… and it is what it is. This has been something I have dealt with for years… this is not a new situation. There are times where his life is more colorful than others, more public than others, and as the kids get older it’s a difficult thing. I’m learning as I go too. I have never had to deal with this and this was a subject I had hoped to talk with my children about as they got older. But it’s hard.”
If every bitch was like Denise, the world would be a better place. I snatch that. back No, it wouldn’t, because then what would we poke at with our cunt sticks if every person gave a diplomatic Miss America answer to every question? Yeah, fuck that. Then we’d have to sit around and talk about how Denise is starting to resemble Lady Elaine Fairchilde dressed up as Lady from Lady and the Tramp.