We’ve Got A New Wonder Woman

February 17, 2011 / Posted by:

Having never seen an episode of Friday Night Lights or Lone Star, I know nothing about Adrianne Palicki, the trick who just inherited Lynda Carter’s gold cuff and star-spangled Spandex diaper. Deadline Hollywood says that David E. Kelley (Ally McBeal, Boston Legal, Boston Public, blah blah blah), Wonder Woman’s executive producer, is so into Adrianne’s shit that she’s the only one he screen-tested. Well, Wonder Woman flies an invisible plane, and it’s pretty damn obvious that Adrianne has two giant invisible saucers in her titties so that’s probably what made David E. Kelley jump and shout, “SOLD!”

Adrianne’s casting side, the synopsis of the Wonder Woman re-doo-doo makes me want to choke myself out with a gold rope. David sees the new Wonder Woman as a modern day woman in Los Angeles who is trying to juggle being a business woman and crime-frighting super goddess. Adrianne will play Wonder Woman, her alter-ego, billionaire mogul Diana Themyscira and her assistant Diana Prince. A billionaire business woman? Did Bruce Wayne get a sex change without us knowing about it? Actually, David’s brain fart sounds hot when I put it that way.

Judging by pics alone, Lynda Carter has more glamour in the tip of her clit than Adrianne has in her whole being. But it’s really impossible to top Lynda’s glamour. Glamour like that only grew in the orchard of Vaseline lenses and pink curlers called the 1970s.

The only way David E. Kelley’s version will work is if he casts Dancing Baby as Wonder Woman’s sidekick and ends every episode with a montage featuring Vonda Shepard singing a melancholy cover song on the wing of the invisible plane.

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