February 17, 2011 / Posted by:

The last Sex and the City movie was such a piece of shit that it should be forced to stand trial for committing crimes against humanity. Michael Patrick King and Sarah Jessica Parker already sucked whatever life was left out of those characters, wrapped ’em in old Dior dresses and threw them into sarcophaguses shaped like Manolo stilettos. But being the stable demon that she is, SJP thinks she can still do CPR on those rotting carcasses and pump more gold dust out of them.

SJP tells The Los Angeles Times that even though we’re all screaming for mercy at the top of our lungs, she thinks that they’ve got another movie in them. From the horse’s mouth to the dark place in your soul:

“I would go back. I think there’s one more story to tell. I know there is. I’d definitely tell that [third] story, and I know Michael would do it right. But maybe not now. Maybe in five years, you know?”

The last SATC story didn’t need to be told! It was a horrifying shit show that should’ve had an advisory at the beginning warning us that we should spend the next 2 hours punching ourselves in the face instead of watching that mess. The story is dead. We don’t need to know about Samantha’s colostomy hole sex adventures. We’ve overdosed on Charlotte’s “rich white lady” problems. As for Carrie, if I want to watch an old bitch act like a precocious 10-year-old girl, I’ll rent Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?. And lastly, ROJO CALIENTE doesn’t need this!

The next chapter of Sex and the City is called The Golden Girls. We know where to find it.

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