RiRi Shuts Down Ryan Phillippe

February 16, 2011 / Posted by:

Ryan Phillippe probably thinks he still has the Cruel Intentions stuff that makes vaginas blow their panty covers off, but he learned the soft way that not all tricks are licking their pussy lips when he licks his face lips. Ryan is supposedly touching nipples with that Amanda Seyfried girl, but she was the last thing on his mind at Gucci’s pre-Grammy party at SoHo House in L.A. on Saturday night. A nosy witness bitch tells UsWeekly that Ryan slid up to Rihannie and tried to get her to practice her erotic chicken dance moves on his crotch, but she straight up yawned in his face. RiRi let him know that she’d rather hug a pillow than hug his dick. From UsWeekly:

“He said something to the effect of, ‘What are you doing tonight?’ and she signaled ‘sleep,'” a witness tells the new Us Weekly. “She was trying to be polite, but she was genuinely not interested. When a couple of her friends came up to join the conversation, he just walked away.” The actor, 36, had more luck later that night, when he was seen leaving a house party with a pretty brunette.

If Ryan asked me what I was doing later, I’d open my mouth but it wouldn’t be to yawn. For real. But seriously, what is it with Ryan getting hard for chicks that look like they just fell out of an episodes of The Simpsons? Amanda is like a blonde Jessica Lovejoy and we already know that RiRi is the Barbadian Sideshow Bob. If you want to get down Ryan’s chonies, just tape a Moe the Bartender mask to your butt or tell him that you’ve got a (NSFL) Homer Simpson tattoo on your snatch.

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