After reading Kim Kardashian’s essay on the state of North Korea in the New York Times, didn’t you think to yourself that she makes some good points but you really want to know what Justin Bieber’s thoughts are? And when sat front row center at Bristol Palin’s “Don’t Fuck” speaking engagement, didn’t you wonder WWJBT? Well, Rolling Stone is on that shit for you.
They jumped into The Lesbeaver’s play pen near the damn and gave him a wood cookie for every question he answered completely. The Bieber did it! Rolling Stone’s Vanessa Grigoriadi asked 16-year-old Justin about politics, abortion, America vs. Canada and sex. Note: Shortly after Vanessa asked the sex question, undercover officers tackled her to the ground, secured her hands with plastic tie cuffs, escorted her to an off-site trailer and booked her. The Lesbeaver is a forever chaste toddler angel and his innocence must be preserved for all time. I mean, asking Justin about sex is like fingering a momma lamb in front of her baby.
Now on to Justin’s deep thoughts about deep issues:
On S-E-X: “I don’t think you should have sex with anyone unless you love them. I think you should just wait for the person you’re…in love with.”
On if he ever wants to become an American citizen: “You guys are evil,” he says with a laugh. “Canada’s the best country in the world. We go to the doctor and we don’t need to worry about paying him, but here, your whole life, you’re broke because of medical bills. My bodyguard’s baby was premature, and now he has to pay for it. In Canada, if your baby’s premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home.” (Ed note: I knew there was a good reason for why our health care system is shit)
On which political party he’ll support when he’s old enough to vote: “I’m not sure about the parties. But whatever they have in Korea, that’s bad.”
On abortion: “I really don’t believe in abortion It’s like killing a baby?” How about in cases of rape? “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”
Justin’s “It’s like killing a baby?” question has shades of “how is babby formed?” on it. If only there was a way for me to abort his “Baby Baby Baby” song that won’t leave my head thanks to GLEE.
And we should thank the Vili Fualaau to Selena Gomez’s Mary Kay Letourneau for not saying that you should want until marriage to hump. There are millions of Beliebers who treat his words as the RULES OF LIFE! I mean, I really don’t want to stroll into court to once again answer to the restraining order Mah Boo has against me and see a long line of Beliebers trying to marry their Justin Bieber pillow cases and shit. So thanks for that, Bieber.