“I Do Not Lie, Cheat, Or Steal”

February 11, 2011 / Posted by:

And no, that declaration was not followed by: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! Noted snatcher and delusion’s greatest promoter, Lindsay Lohan, looked all of us in the Twitter eye last night and gave us some for real bullshit written with White Oprah’s wet apple Schnapps breath. This is always my favorite part of every episode of Cops. You know, when the officer finds a bag of the bad shit in some crackhead’s purse and they say some shit like, “That’s not mine! I’m sober! I don’t even drink caffeine! Where’s that dragon? Why are my veins crying?” That’s why I love this work of comedy that LiLo pushed out last night:

Was on the phone with my sister&this movie Greenberg is on, i heard my voice which was odd- and ryhs ifans is watching Just My Luck in the movie- made me laugh.. i just want to be on set again, and left alone to just work! fyi- i would never steal, in case people are wondering. I was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal… also, what i wear to court shouldnt be front page news. it’s just absurd. god bless xox L

If LiLo was raised by a pack of junkie wolves, I might believe her. But look at who raised her. White Oprah worships all three of those things. The bitch LIED about being a Rockette, she CHEATED two girls out of their childhoods and she STOLE from fucking Cookie Puss. And no, I don’t think people were wondering if she stole that shit. They already know she did.

But LiLo needs to keep the LOLs coming. A few minutes before the one above, she Tweeted this on Twitter (Twitter being the key everything here):

Hello Facebook. Yes, this is actually Lindsay. Welcome to my Facebook page!

Saying “Welcome to my Facebook page” on Twitter is the new “Welcome to my home!

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