Come On, Girls! Do You Believe In…..Huh?

February 11, 2011 / Posted by:

So, now we finally know what those hot factory tricks were making in Madge’sExpress Yourself” video. They were churning out copies of “Express Yourself“! The self-proclaimed greatest voice in music Lady Caca released the self-proclaimed GAY ANTHEM OF THIS GENERATION earlier this morning and as thousands of hos have already said, it queefs out the image of a wet Madge licking up a bowl of leche while lightning (aka an intern turning the lights on and off) strikes outside. It’s like taking a shower under TLC’s Waterfalls and then drying yourself in a Disco Inferno. Listen for yourself if you haven’t already:

Gaga gives a shout to oriental rugs and cholitas, so I probably would’ve liked this mess if she didn’t proclaim it a GAY FUCKING ANTHEM before it even came out. James St. James said it best a couple of weeks ago after he read the lyrics:

Below are the lyrics to Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way,” the anthem she has written for all the LGBT teens out there, her beloved “little monsters.” I hate it already. A gay anthem, whether it’s “I Will Survive” or “The Man That Got Away” or “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going,” BECOMES a gay anthem because we find ourselves empathizing with the singer’s passion or pain or exuberance. It’s the realization that their pain is our pain too, that their joy is our joy etc. It’s that our commonality has brought us together. It’s ALMOST NEVER because it was written FOR GAY MEN TO HELP GAY MEN DEAL WITH BEING GAY MEN. That’s just cynical and obvious. It’s like bit like Susan Sontag’s explanation of “pure camp” being something that strives for greatness but fails spectacularly, while “contrived camp” is something that intentionally sets out to be bad and cannot, therefore, be as satisfying. Gaga here isn’t allowing us the choice of deciding whether or not this song will be a gay anthem (like “Bad Romance”), she’s TELLING US that it is, and that makes it somehow less pure and less satisfying. It’s contrived. I haven’t heard the melody yet, and although I’m sure it will be a foot-stomper, I already feel manipulated.

But in Gaga’s defense, it does make me want to sodomize my ears with plugs so maybe she’s on to something. (“Michael, you are a self-hating homo if you don’t love Lady Gaga” – an e-mail from a little monster). Truthfully, it’s not THAT fucking awful. It sort of sounds like the scrapped finale song from The Wiz. It works for me as long as I picture Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, Nipsey Russell and Ted Ross singing it while skipping on a yellow brick disco ball.

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