The Royal Wedding Of The Year Is Upon Us!

February 10, 2011 / Posted by:

Prince William and Kate Middleton can kindly step aside, because the royal wedding march that is playing right now is meant for 85-year-old Duchess de Alba and her groom-to-be Alfonso Díez! Spain Review reports that the powdery dandelion will marry Alfonso this September making him her third husband. Duchess de Alba is one of Spain’s most richest people and she owns the most land in the country, so she’s forced Alfonso to sign a prenup in the blood of her grandson Voldemort.

An official confirmation has not been delivered by doves from the House of de Alba, but at a fashion event in Sevilla, the duchess answered “si” when somebody asked her if she was marrying Alfonso this fall. And we should also wait for the official announcement from the British royal family stating that William and Kate’s wedding has been postponed indefinitely. Kate Middleton knows she can’t compete. The title of “Most Beautiful Bride of 2011” has already been claimed by the duchess even though the field mice have yet to complete her wedding gown using the finest cobwebs and lace.

And you might as well start updating your address book now since it’s going to take you a few months. The Duchess de Alba’s full name will change from:

María del Rosario Cayetana Paloma Alfonsa Victoria Eugenia Fernanda Teresa Francisca de Paula Lourdes Antonia Josefa Fausta Rita Castor Dorotea Santa Esperanza Fitz-James Stuart, Silva, Falcó y Gurtubay

to:

María del Rosario Cayetana Paloma Alfonsa Victoria Eugenia Fernanda Teresa Francisca de Paula Lourdes Antonia Josefa Fausta Rita Castor Dorotea Santa Esperanza Fitz-James Stuart, Silva, Falcó y Gurtubay Díez

The 9-inch dick of names! It just rolls and rolls and rolls and rolls and rolls and rolls and rolls off your tongue.

(Thanks Sue)

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