ScarJo Is Doing Everybody Including Sean Penn

If you believe unverified rumors from unnamed sources, then give ScarJo a “now that’s how you rebound the ho way” clap for allegedly getting with Justin Long, Kidd Kraddick and Jason Sudomeorwhatever in the span of a few weeks after her split from Ryan Reynolds. And now Sean Penn’s name has been added to that list. A source is saying that 26-year-old ScarJo exfoliated the skin on her chichis by rubbing all over Sean Penn’s 50-year-old sunburnt sandpaper carcass. It all went down in ScarJo’s bungalow at the Chateau Marmont in L.A. early last month.

A source type tells UsWeekly that ScarJo’s relationship with Sean Penn first bloomed when she told him she was interested in doing charity work in Haiti with Oxfam. Since Sean is a regular fixture in Haiti, ScarJo knew she should ask him about it. And since talk of natural disasters, famine and tragedy regularly leads to sexy times, before they knew it, ScarJo was riding on Sean until her big titties smacked the coke boogers right out of his nose.

However, ScarJo’s rep has taken out her left breast and slapped this rumor in the name of TRUTH.

You know, I still believe this. Sean Penn’s strongest personality traits are RAGEY and CRAZY, and we all know those two things are usually the main ingredients in a good fuck (Mel Gibson excluded). And Sean Penn is attracted to ScarJo, because she has two built-in emergency flotation devices that will never EVER spring a leak. Sean Penn can leave his plastic cup at home!