Lindsay Lohan has already been charged with felony grand theft for stealing the puniest $2,500 gold chain ever and she just showed up wearing a hot ho dress the color of her favorite fix. Below is a live feed from KTLA, but you can go over to TMZ’s live feed if this mess isn’t working for you.
Will White Oprah stop everything to scream “INJUSTICE!!!” before trying to hawk her new line of “curse a bitch out” nail decals including the now famous “Fuck U” and new ones like “Eat My Cunt” (Nana Lohan’s personal favorite). Will LiLo recreate Sharon Stone’s peek-a-cooch shot from Basic Instinct since she’s sort of dressed like that? I really hope she does the latter and I really hope she’s got “Fuck U” written in Sharpie on her labia.
UPDATE: The judge was not fucking around. After the Crackful Dodger entered a plea of “not guilty,” she judge set her bail at $40,000 for the felony grand theft charge and for violating her probation from the DUI case. And then he brought the real down on her:
“You’re in a different situation now that a felony has been filed against you,” Schwartz told Lohan. “If you violate the law, I will remand you and set no bail and your attorney won’t be successful this time. … You need to follow the laws just like everybody else. … You’re no different than anyone else, so please don’t push your luck. And you can unclench your pussy and your nipples can exhale, because I can see all of ’em in that dress.”
Okay, he didn’t say that last part but it was definitely skipping through his head. The judge told LiLo that if she breaks the law before the case goes to trial, he will pull her probation and put her ass in a cell. LiLo is now in custody and getting another mug shot taken to add to her wall of beauty.
The prosecutor in the case also asked that LiLo or “her agents” stop contacting the jewelry store. Apparently, somebody’s from LiLo’s team sent the store flowers to try to butter them up. I didn’t know FTD sold a “I’m sorry I robbed your ass” bouquet.