Anna Wintour has shown her allegiance to the Death Eaters by refusing to put wannabe Slytherin Posh Beckham on the cover of Vogue, but she might be breaking the promise she wrote in muggle blood. DUN DUN DUN. Next to birthing a girl and cinching her stomach until she gets full on oxygen bubbles, Posh has always wanted to be on the cover of American Vogue. There was a rumor that Posh got the Jaws of Life to pull out her titty sacks so that Anna Wintour could see her erect chest bones, get a hard-on and put her on the cover! No avail. But Posh might’ve found her in.
Star Magazine (via DS via Jezebel) is saying that Posh has offered to pose with nothing but a bump on for the cover of Vogue. Anna is tapping her claw against the desk and petting her cat while thinking about this. A source type tells Star, “It’s not a very Vogue thing to do, but the team can make it work and make it ‘fashion’. Anna’s apparently really keen on it. Everyone’s expecting it to fly off the shelves. Victoria’s a huge style icon. Although nothing’s been officially signed yet, Victoria would want to be sure she’s the sexiest pregnant woman to ever grace a magazine cover. It will be a huge boost to her career from a fashion point of view.”
DON’T DO IT, POSH! You know how some think a camera takes a little bit of your soul? Well, the cover of American Vogue steals all of your soul and more! Why do you think Anna always wears glasses? It’s because the souls of her victims are trying to claw their way out of her retinas. This will not end well. As soon as Posh’s baby comes out via c-section and the plastic surgeon starts to waltz in to do her latest tummy tuck, Anna Wintour will appear and snatch her baby as payment for the Vogue cover. Does Posh want this? Actually, the ho probably doesn’t care as long as she gets that damn Vogue cover.
Here’s Posh and her whisper of a baby bump (not really) sashaying into Heathrow Airport this morning.