Don’t you just hate it when you’re slurping on a cup of yogurt and all you taste is cum? Or is it, don’t you just hate it when you’re slurping on a dick and all you taste is yogurt? I get the two confused a lot. Well, the former is what happened to a woman in Albuquerque and I guess she’s the type who screams “dontcumdontcumdontcum” when she feels her man’s dick twitch during oral, because she spit that mess out and called the 911.
The Smoking Gun reports that the 28-year-old New Mexico woman was shopping in the cereal aisle at the Sunflower Farmers Market with her daughter when a store employee named Anthony Garcia kept pushing a yogurt sample on her. The woman put it in her mouth and instantly knew something in the milk was JIZZ! The woman’s statement to the police is priceless: “I spit it out on the floor many times cuz I was upset. (The manager Catherine Flores) told me it was a Greek yoghurt. People love it, it has lot of protein on it.” That’s a really a good cum-on line.
Anthony Garcia denied that he squirted his own fermented ball leche into the woman’s sample. But when police tested the sample, the results came (I need to stop already) back positive for cum. A judge issued a warrant for DNA and blood samples from the perverted Dannon cum dumper to see if he has any diseases the woman should be worried about.
It’s a good thing the woman knows her shit, I mean semen, because most people would’ve figured it was just goat milk yogurt and kept eating it. If Top Chef ever does a semen-based recipe challenge, they know who to get as their main judge.
This woman is my hero of the day, because she proves to all of us that we need to study cum closely. You never know when someone’s going to cum in a cup and call it yogurt.
In other news, the police escorted both Paris Hilton and John Travolta out of Sunflower Farmers Market in Albuquerque after they refused to stop trolling around the cereal section.