Xtina Was Just Lost In Patriotism, That’s All!

Xtina isn’t explaining why she left a ringing in your ears from screeching like a cat getting circumcised in a tub of ice water, but she did issue a statement of words explaining why she twisted a line in The National Anthem. Xtina sang “what so proudly we watched” instead of “o’er the ramparts we watched.” So the ramparts didn’t get watched last night. SO FUCKING WHAT! The ramparts are attention whores anyway! No, I don’t know what a rampart is. Is that a fancy word for ram vagina?

But apparently some hos did care that Xtina puts the sads on the ramparts and so she had this to say:

“I got so caught up in the moment of the song that I lost my place. I can only hope that everyone could feel my love for this country and that the true spirit of its anthem still came through.”

Okay, okay, so Xtina was simply wrapped up in the gleaming hypnotic eyes of the bald eagle. The bald eagle’s eyes were modeled after Anderson Cooper’s eyes, so I know what she’s talking about. There’s no reason to talk about this until the twilight’s last creaming (or whatever). But we should talk about how last night was probably the first time in history where the singer and her audience made the exact same facial expressions, but for totally different reasons.