This Is Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber normally looks like a grown woman posing as a 12-year-old boy decoy in To Catch A Predator, but in Best Buy’s Super Bowl commercial he looked like the exact opposite. Hairy beaver alert. Justin perfectly resembled a middle-aged child toucher who smells like gasoline and body odor and shows up to the decoy’s house with a bag full of condoms, duct tape, Slim Jims, Spanish Fly and a mix CD of boy band songs. That’s definitely the face you’d find staring back at you if you went to investigate the strange rustling noise in the bushes outside of your bedroom window. A face that only mace and the National Sex Offender Registry could love. This is The Lesbeaver’s way of proving to all of us that he can successfully star in a one-Bieber production of The Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane.

And if Geico ever needs someone to play a caveman inspired by Peter Horton, they know where to find Justin.

Here’s the hairless Beaver strolling around with his cougar girlfriend Selena Kay Letourneau in Santa Monica yesterday. For someone who will have to enter the Witness Protection Program in a few months, Selena looks so happy. It’s amazing what a publicist’s love arrow can do. Girl better be getting a cut of Justin’s profits, because she’s going to need it to get a face transplant and head lipo so the crazed Beliebers don’t recognize her.