Lawrence Wright’s 26-page expose on Scientology for The New Yorker has everything you want in a theatrical cunt gay drama including human-trafficking charges, Tommy Girl tantrums, slave beatings by the hand of David Miscavige, a game of musical chairs set to “Bohemian Rhapsody” and blackmail. Lawrence’s piece focuses a lot on screenwriter, director and former high-ranking Scientologist Paul Haggis who checked out of L. Ron’s house because they pretty much hugged and supported California’s Prop 8.
Paul and Lawrence both have serious stories and you should get into that shit if you’ve got the time. But the one I’m telling you now comes from Josh Brolin. Josh tiptoed into the barley water gutter for a few seconds in a moment of “real desperation.” Josh quickly jumped out after he realizing that he prefers his CRAZY with a lot more fun. But Josh walked away with this gem:
Brolin says that he once witnessed John Travolta practicing Scientology. Brolin was at a dinner party in Los Angeles with Travolta and Marlon Brando. Brando arrived with a cut on his leg, and explained that he had injured himself while helping a stranded motorist on the Pacific Coast Highway. He was in pain. Travolta offered to help, saying that he had just reached a new level in Scientology. Travolta touched Brando’s leg and Brando closed his eyes. “I watched this process going on—it was very physical,” Brolin recalls. “I was thinking, This is really fucking bizarre! Then, after ten minutes, Brando opens his eyes and says, ‘That really helped. I actually feel different!’ ” (Travolta, through a lawyer, called this account “pure fabrication.”)
Err. Does Josh realize that he witnessed John Travolta give Marlon Brando a handjob? I’d call it “fucking bizarre” too, but I’d also called it a “fucking handjob” instead of “this process.”
I guess nothing makes Thetans jump like jizz procured by the hand of a Travolta.