Who cares if Spider-Man is getting the jizz web humped out of him by the dude from Nickelback? This is all I needed to see in order to come to the conclusion that I will be first in line to see this Spider-Man mess when it premieres at the Pussy Cat Theater.
John Travolta must be the fight coordinator on this reboot, because Spider-Bottom is working that bad guy like a Scientologist when his wife is out of town. Legs up! Ass out! That other Spider-Man movie can keep their stupid upside/down kiss, because this one is awakening every nerd’s gay tendencies by giving us a 69 in a parking lot.
And I might have included one wishful thinking picture below, but judging by Spider-Man’s yoga twink bottom moves, I’m probably not far off.