Natalie Portman Is Really, Really Pregnant

Here’s the future mother of a future multiple Nobel Peace Prize winner just strolling in L.A. this afternoon. Since I’ve obviously got a PhD in baby bumps and pregnancy shit, I’ve already gone in to detail about how Natalie Portman is a serious kind of knocked up for only being around 4 months. But hos are still saying that they need to see the receipts, because they think Natalie is pulling some Phaedra Parks shit. Natalie is basically the size of Thumbelina’s left nipple so ho would look pregnant if she swallowed a bubble.

When Natalie gives birth in the middle of a Walmart, we’ll ask her new baby how long he or she was in there for because you know he or she is going to speak perfectly before their first fart. Although, Natalie’s baby will probably only speak archaic Latin at first, so we should study up.