Hot Slut Of The Day!

Before Justin Bieber was even a tiny sperm guppy in a unicorn’s nutsack, there was another toddler crawling up the music charts and terrorizing our ears with a song that was the equivalent of what was in his diaper. That toddler was JORDY!!!!!! Jordy is still on record with Guinness Book for being the youngest blabberer (that was not singing) to have a #1 song on any chart. “Dur dur d’être bébé!” (emphasis on the DUR DUR) was #1 for 15 long weeks in France in the early 90s. Ironically enough, today Child Protective Services considers that song a form of child abuse in more ways than one.

Here’s a few facts I learned about Jordy, who is now 23-years-old, by reading his Wikipedia page:

Jordy’s father, music producer Claude Lemoine, was the one who first got the idea to whore his baby out before the child could even burp on his own. When Jordy became an international pop star, the French government realized that his parents turned him into an adorable singing slave puppet, so they banned him from all television and radio in 1994. “That happens in real life?!” – White Oprah, Joe Jackson & Kris Jenner

Claude’s pimp hand could not be stopped and he later opened something called Jordy’s Farm. It was a place where tourists paid to meet Jordy and pet farm animals (or maybe they paid to meet farm animals and pet Jordy. OR BOTH!). Jordy tried to say that the farm was his idea all along, because raising goats was one of his passions (HAHAHAHAHA). Jordy’s Farm was a major LE FAIL.

Jordy didn’t really go to school up until then. But when his parents divorced in 1996, he emaciated himself and went back to school. The dropout rate in France was at an all-time high, so Jordy shot a series of PSAs. The dropout rate fell 6%.

Jordy stayed out of the public eye through most of his teen years, but he turned up on the reality show La Ferme Célébrités 2 in 2005. Jordy won.

Jordy started a band a year after his return to the spotlight and he called it Jordy & the Dixies. Some tabloid reported that Jordy had picked up a few exploitation tricks from his father, because members of his band were actually underpaid homeless hustlers. Jordy responded by saying, “This is totally false. I love the homeless, but they are not competent musicians.”

So Jordy was a baby pop star who loved farm goats and later went on to solve France’s dropout problem (not really), win a reality show, take advantage of homeless street whores and now looks like a 14-year-old lesbian circa 1996? Justin Bieber better take note, because he has a long way to go before he can even begin to think about inheriting Jordy’s throne.

Here’s another one of Jordy’s hits from the past. This is pretty much what Crystal Waters’ farts sound like after she eats a jar of mashed carrots.