Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 31, 2011 / Posted by:

Tova Traesnaes Borgnine!!! I didn’t get to watch the SAG Awards last night, because I moved into a new apartment over the weekend and there are problems with the cable and Internet connection. Seeing as though my breathing speeds up whenever my Internet connection drops below 100mbps, I’ve spent the last couple of days with my head directly over a giant bong. Seriously, if I plugged an ethernet cable into my laptop, put the other end in a pigeon’s mouth and told it to fly all the way to Egypt to plug it into a blackout modem in a closed Internet cafe over there, I’d probably get a faster connection than I have now. And moving pictures are not coming up on my TV screen! So yeah, I’m pretty much flat-lining. But they’re working on getting me back up (wink wink) now.

So that’s the reason why I didn’t watch the SAGs last night. I could’ve gone to a trick’s house to watch it, but I decided to stay home and watch the 1st Annual WALL Awards instead. I figured staring at the wall would be just as riveting as staring at the SAGs, but I was totally wrong, because I missed seeing the golden fresh beauty of Tova Borgnine in action!

Tova is as graceful as a curtsying swan and as regal as a purple velvet dildo cozy. The sparkling ginger wave of luscious hair above Tova’s head is where the miniature angels go to surf and her whispering eyebrows are where they go to lay. Normally, I prefer my brows louder, but Tova’s are perfection. It’s what you get when a baby cherub softly coos on a piece of tissue paper. Even though her brows are so quiet, her forehead was still nice enough to back up and give them some room.

I swear, Tova is what Endora was supposed to look like! You just want to sit with Tova on a satin sofa and play with her rings all afternoon.

As soon as I return to the land of the living by getting a faster Internet connection, I’m going to QVC’s website to order EVERYTHING from Tova’s line of beauty products. None of us will ever be as stunningly perfect as Tova, but we can always try. VIVA TOVA!

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