Hernia survivor and avid porn star collector Charlie Sheen supposedly texted a sort of statement to Radar’s executive editor right before he crippled every drug dealer’s source of income by checking into rehab last night. It sounds like Charlie’s counselors are going to have a really good time with him. Especially when he attacks a chandelier after finding out the rehab clinic doesn’t have a 24-hour porn theater or a community crack pipe. Hopefully, the employee water cooler at the rehab clinic is spiked with Xanax.
This is what Charlie supposedly had to say:
“I’m fine. People don’t seem to get it…. Guy can’t have a great time and do his job also? Bunch of turds.”
Most of bitch’s internal organs probably wish they were turds so they could slide out of his asshole towards freedom. Charlie is right, though. If he wants to watch fuck films for 10 hours straight while increasing his daughter’s future therapy bills with every puff from a crack pipe, then that’s his shit! If he wants to write some porn star a $30,000 check JUST BECAUSE, then let him. And yeah, Charlie did just that. File that under: things you only do when you’re under the influence of CRACK. Screw the bailout and fart on college. Being one of Charlie’s porn star pieces is where the real money is at. Stuff your titties into a pink latex bra and get in line. I’ll be the one in the blonde kitchen ass wig.