The Hell Is This “Family Shield” Crap?

January 26, 2011 / Posted by:

Maybe it’s because the only places I go that sells magazines are porn shops and delis where the owner doesn’t seem to have a problem displaying covers full of bare vagina, but I’ve never seen this “Family Shield” foolery before. You learn something new! But yeah, Twitter user jennhudd took this picture at a Harps grocery store in Mountain Home, Arkansas of a Family Shield protecting the innocent eyes of children from Elton John, his partner and their new baby. The Family Shield is a work of real fuckery, but it did make me notice David Furnish’s glorious receding widow’s peak for the first time. So it did give me that.

Jennhudd later Tweeted that the “THINK OF THE CHILDREN” wall of grey plastic has since been taken down. A spokeswhore for Harps gave an interview to GLAAD (via JMG) confirming that the shield blocked the gayness after several dumb shits complained:

I spoke with Harps Corporate Executive Assistant Marty Yarborough, who told me that every Harps store is equipped with these shields and that they get put up whenever customers complain about the content of a magazine cover. She said the word from the store about this particular cover was that “several” customers had complained, so the shield went up. She also confirmed that these shields are utilized on a store-by-store basis, so the magazine would not have been covered up at any of the other Harps locations, unless customers complained there as well. She also told me that the usage of the shield on this particular cover is “in no way our opinion on this issue.” She quickly added, ”we do not have an opinion on this issue.”

The hos who took time out of their day to complain about a cover of UsWeekly need to fucking eat a Family Shield. It’s not that serious. If one of their kids asks them why two grown men are holding a baby, they just need to explain it to them simply. Sometimes when a man falls in love with another man, they get married, jack off into a plastic cup, blah, blah, blah, blah….BABY! It’s that simple. The kid will probably say “okay” and then scream at their parents to buy them a damn Snickers.

And does anybody know where I can get one of these “Family Shields“? I just got a Life & Style with Bachelor Brad on the cover in the mail and I need to shield it from my own eyes.

(Thanks to all who sent this in)

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