The Simple Life was the last network TV show to openly brag about giving you a down low itch that requires topical cream, so this was a long time coming. The “Catch VD” billboard below is currently infecting Times Square and the ad above will soon be hanging over cities like the stubborn skin of a wart that refuses to be torn off.
The CW doesn’t specifically say what kind of VD you will catch by watching Vampire Diaries, but based on how sweaty the bitches in the cast are, I’m going to go with gonorrhea. They look like they’ve been up all night furiously scratching at the itch on their b-holes and wiping the discharge from their leaky genitals on their bodies. But The CW thinks I’m crazy (you can stop right there and the sentence will be factual) for conjuring up that image, because they don’t mean it like that. Uh huh. When you pull my dick, The CW, make sure you put a rubber glove on first.
“VD simply stands for Vampire Diaries, and anyone who thinks otherwise should probably get themselves checked out.”
The next time I get a CDC-mandated check-up, I’m sending the bill to The CW! But seriously, I hope that The CW does the right thing and recycles those billboards by hanging one over Derek Jeter’s bed and sticking another one on Parasite Hilton’s front gate.