Since most of Hollywood is sneezing out babies everywhere, it was only a matter of time before Jennifer Foreveralone-iston gets in on the dirty diaper action. CORRECTION: It was only a matter of time before a magazine reports that Jennifer Aniston is getting in on the dirty diaper action. Star Magazine is saying that Jennifer has made space in her Cabbage Patch nursery for a real-life baby friend from Mexico!!! Mexico is Jennifer’s favorite locale to sun her nipples while miserably weeping into a Corona bottle, so it’s the perfect place for her to get a baby of her very own. And apparently, Jennifer volunteers at an orphanage there. A source claims Jennifer has already signed the adoption papers. Jezebel has the issue and they broke it down:
In between yoga on the beach and drinks in the cabana, she likes to volunteer at one specific orphanage, Casa Hogar Sion in Tijuana, and the orphanage director calls her a “friend.” According to the mag, Jen has already signed papers to adopt a child, and the kid will be in her arms by her 42nd birthday on February 11th. We don’t know for sure that the baby is coming from Casa Hogar Sion, but the director says “no comment,” which, in celebland, totes means yes!
Jen already has a gender-neutral nursery in her Beverly Hills home, with a Harry Potter mural on the ceiling.
I won’t believe a word of this until I see a tiny Asian boy in painter overalls sashaying out of Jennifer’s Beverly Hills home just as I hear her screaming after finding out that her “Harry Potter” ceiling mural is actually a giant portrait of Maddox winking.
But if it is true, I really hope Jennifer fulfills my lifelong dream of a celebwhore naming their baby CONCEPCIÓN. Jen’s supposed baby is coming from Mexico, so it fits. And Concepción Cool Aniston really does have a nice ring to it.
UPDATE: Shit. Just as I hit publish, Jennifer’s rep told People that Star Magazine must have ripped this story out of her dream journal, because it’s not true at all.