Good Morning, Here’s The OctoMom Baby-Whipping Video You’ve Been Waiting For!

January 20, 2011 / Posted by:

Not only will this video serve as an answer to the octuplets’ question: “Why does our ball pit smell like rotten chili con queso, anus tears and desperation?” But it will also be used in high school sex education classes to warn students that if they get knocked up without the means to support their child, this is the low-budget shit they might have to do to put diapers on asses.

My problem with this wreck from TMZ isn’t that OctoMom is starring in a fetish video with radio personality Tattoo. It’s that she’s starring in a poorly produced one! Did the octuplets sit on each other’s shoulders and record this wreck with the VHS camcorder my mom refuses to throw out (“It’s an antique!” – my mom)? Is this the real sequel to Paranormal Activity? Not only that, but OctoMom whips a trick like my 8-year-old self trying to throw a ball without crossing the line during the worst dodgeball game ever. I can almost hear a wimpy “uh” come out of her mouth as she dreadfully tries to crack that whip. Awful.

Put some real feeling into that shit, OctoMom! Picture Tattoo as your life choices and whip the fuckery right out of him. I swear, if we had to pick dominatrix teams, OctoMom’s ass would be the last one chosen.

And if this clip isn’t just a small piece of a longer one, how is Octo making money from this? Did TMZ pay for it? Is this viral marketing for Pampers? Octo is already embarrassing her kids with her whack ass whipping skills, so I hope she’s not bringing more shame upon them by not collecting a check for this mess.

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