Kelly Preston Explains Why Scientologists Have To Keep Their Mouth Holes Shut During Labor

January 19, 2011 / Posted by:

At the 3:23 mark above, Kelly Preston tells Today’s Natalie Morales why L. Ron Hubbard wants them to swallow their words and keep their screaming to a minimum while they push a heavy human baby out of their vagina holes. The Thetans slid off of Kelly’s skin and new fields of barley grew as she actually quoted L. Ron Hubbard. Yes, she actually quoted L.Ro and used the words “aberration” and “psychosomatic” in the same sentence. This shit makes me want to scream as though a BABY!!! is coming out of my nostrils, ear holes, no-no, peen hole and all the other holes I have. Kelly is serious about this shit:

“Silent birth is basically just no words, as much as possible. If you need to moan, if you cry out, you know all of that, of course that’s normal.

But just bringing them in as peaceful and gentle a way as possible because L. Ron Hubbard found the single source of aberration of psychosomatic illnesses – stress, fears, worry, things like that – have to do with the reactive mind. And in that part of the mind is different words and commands that can come back and affect you later in life.

My kids have always been amazing. Just very calm, very peaceful, happy and I absolutely know it’s very much because of that.”

How about we extend silent birth to silent life? Okay, no. I believe Kelly. I’m sure the reason why Scientology children are so calm is because stressful words never penetrated their brains at birth. Yes, that is why all Scientology children calm. Cut to Suri Cruise throwing a custom-made Louboutin at her personal maid for serving her ice cream that is too cold.

And if you ever hear John Travolta screeching in the saunas, poke your head into his room and let him know that if Kelly can’t holler while she’s pushing, then he can’t holler while he’s taking.

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