The ominous scent of bronzer steam, burnt iron oxide, grilled polyester and charbroiled tarantula legs filled the air at CAA’s pre-Golden Globes party on Friday night when Xtina spotted her second arch rival (her first being face wash) Julianne Hough from across the room. E! News (aka home of Gaycrest) reports that Snookitina spit out a long trail of grease in front of her and used it to slide towards her Burlesque co-star to tell her what’s what. Sadly, Julianne’s current employer, Ryan Gaycrest, was not there to distract Xtina with a cheerful jig. I mean, who doesn’t love a cheerful jig performed by a leprechaun?
A source says that for reasons unknown to everyone, Xtina breathed out a flame of cuntified words at Julianne, “Christina really got in her face. The whole thing was troubling. People felt bad for Julianne.” Xtina grabbed at Julianne and vowed to ruin her country music career before they were separated. The source says that the two never got along while shooting Burlesque.
Xtina’s rep says the story is “nonsense.”
The theatrical cunt queen in me (which is 100% of me) loves that the seasoned weed is trying to grow over the blooming daisy, but Xtina is doing it all wrong. Didn’t she learn anything from watching Showgirls? You’re supposed to bond with your enemy over Doggy Chow, seduce her during rehearsal, get her hired as your understudy, get her fired as your understudy, let her push you down the stairs and then release a smug smile of satisfaction when the guilt of breaking your bones forces her to leave show business forever. That’s how you rid a bitch while keeping your hands clean.
That being said, Julianne better make amends with Xtina by sacrificing her favorite red lipstick. You don’t fuck with Xtina. Xtina destroyed her own music career, so I’m sure she can ruin another bitch’s music career too!