The Photoshop Awards: Jennifer Aniston In Allure

January 18, 2011 / Posted by:

So yeah, this is Jennifer Aniston in Allure, and it’s not a picture from a Real Doll photo shoot art directed by a pedophile with a Snuggle Bear fetish. It’s like a still from an old Law & Order episode about a Baby Jane-like plastic surgery addict who just can’t let go of her child beauty pageant days. Just because Aniston is posing with her favorite teddy bear baby she adopted from a doll nursery last summer doesn’t mean this mess is cute. Just. No.

Creepiness aside, Jennifer finally admits that the Rachel cut is a work of fugness that doesn’t belong on anybody’s head! The cut that terrorized heads in the 90s and projected to the public “I’m an asshole for getting my hair cut like a fucking TV character!” was not Jennifer’s favorite thing.

“Let’s just say there have been moments I’d rather not relive, like that whole Rachel thing. I love Chris [McMillan, her hairstylist], and he’s the bane of my existence at the same time because he started that damn Rachel, which was not my best look. How do I say this? I think it was the ugliest haircut I’ve ever seen. What I really want to know is, how did that thing have legs?”

And it still has legs. You don’t know how many retail managers and real estate office receptionists I’ve seen with that haircut. And you know what’s creepier than that picture of Aniston above? The fact that I regularly stare at the heads of retail managers and real estate office receptionists.

Jennifer also talked about her fascination with The Bachelor and how she doesn’t understand how those girls can shrivel into a dehydrated pod of loneliness when they get dumped.

“You know what I find fascinating? The Bachelor. I was mesmerized by how these girls, they meet this guy, they have three dates together or something, and they’re weeping as though they’ve just lost the love of their life. I don’t understand that.”

Too easy, so I’ll just leave you with more Photoshopped pictures of Jennifer looking like JLo and a female doll version of STAINS.

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