Reeeeeeege Is Signing Off

January 18, 2011 / Posted by:

Regis Philbin will not be the one who interviews the four horsemen right before they lead the apocalypse in 2012, because he announced on Live! this morning that he will tape his last show at the end of the summer. Reeeeeege is hanging up his gruff ass bark after 28 years and you’ll have to feed your kinky hunger for seeing old dudes in drag elsewhere. Somebody should move Kelly Ripa to higher land, because Gilman’s sea of tears will cause water damage to the leather on her body. Reeeeege sadly told his viewers this morning:

“It’s been a long time, it’s been 28 years since I’ve been here. And it was the biggest thrill of my life. Everything must come to an end for certain people on camera, especially certain old people.”

No word on who will replace Regis (suggestions: Keith Richards, Kathie Lee or the homeless drunk in Greenpoint, Brooklyn who told me I had a sweet girl mouth).

First Larry King’s semi-retirement and now this?! Who the hell is going to fuck up people’s names on live TV now? If Andy Rooney and Willard Scott quit this bitch, we just need to pull the curtain and shut this down. TV without any disciples of Werther’s Original on it is not worth watching.

And maybe one of us should throw a blanket over Joel McHale while he cries in the fetal position on his bathroom floor.

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