Starbucks Introduces Brit Brit’s New Soulmate: TRENTA!

This coming February, Starbucks will release a beast of a monster that will flood your bowels with caffeinated sugar and force your stomach to hit the exit switch and slide to freedom through your asshole. Don’t threaten me with a good time, Starbucks!

Starbucks is introducing a new size that is over 300ml larger than a Venti. It’s called the Trenta and if you glued a penis-shaped Cheeto to it, it would be Brit Brit’s next man husband.

Above is a graphic from The National Post, which shows you that you’re going to need a stomach implant if you want to handle everything Trenta has to offer. Or you’ll have to drink a Trenta iced coffee while getting a colonic so your stomach doesn’t completely combust. It’s a small price to pay for caffeine poisoning. And included in that “small price” is a $20 bill, because you know that’s what you’ll have to hand over for this mess.

You don’t want to clog up the landfills with the Trenta, so when you’re done with it you can stick a chopstick to the bottom and use it as your new favorite wine goblet!

Here’s Trenta’s soon-to-be wife visiting McDonald’s the other day. There’s no need to call Dr. Phil, Brit Brit is not cheating on Starbucks. She was only there to use their bathroom. McDonald’s bathroom is way nicer than the gas station’s. Their sink usually works so Brit Brit can use it as a bidet!