Sandra Bullock Denies Humping On Ryan Reynolds

Perhaps Sandra Bullock was afraid that ScarJo, The Bride of Mumblestein, would send Frankenstein’s monster after her ass, because she denied that she’s rubbing her chocha on Ryan Reynolds’ ribbed (for everyone’s pleasure) abs. That was a good move on Sandy’s part, because I don’t think she would’ve seen the mumbling wrath of ScarJo coming since the remake of The Shaggy Dog was blocking her eyesight. Every mother in the world was itching to grab Sandy’s clip-on bangs in a fist and hack that shit off with a pair of kitchen scissors. My sister spent most of her childhood with wonky bangs that looked like they were cut with a vegetable chopper. My mom’s rule was that if your bang tips kissed your eyelashes, hand her the scissors. No bang/lash love allowed! But back to Sandy’s denial.

When Al Roker from Today (via People) asked Sandy about the rumor that’s fucking on ScarJo’s seconds, she said this:

“I think there will be a collective sigh amongst women across the United States when I say he’s not my lovah. He’s just an amazing friend for 10 years … but I don’t get his loving after dark.”

Okay, Sandra. We won’t believe that your bangs are hiding the hickey that Ryan gave you on your forehead. Okay.

Here’s a few more pictures of Sandy’s bang issue as well as a few pictures of ScarJo looking like a Chrysler hood ornament (sans wings).