All last night I kept waiting for the graceful gazelle of Boardwalk Empire to make an appearance at the Golden Globes. When Boardwalk Empire won for Best TV Drama, I really expected Paz de la Huerta to stumble onto the stage, hike up her gown and command all of us to give thanks to the wiglet on her crotch (aka the secret to that show’s success). Spaz didn’t do that, because she was too busy doing body shots with some of the waitstaff in the kitchen. Spaz’s liver was the color of the paint on her lips last night. On fire.
Not only are there glorious pictures of Spaz looking like she just woke up in a bathtub full of ice cubes with a sharp pain in her side and a trail of blood leading out into the hallway, but there’s video too! TMZ captured two of Spaz’s most wonderful moments last night. The first came when she was denied entrance into an after-party, because she was every kind of drunk.
The gatekeeper wasn’t interested in Spaz feeding the potted plants inside with her 100-proof Miracle-Vom, so he kindly shoved her back into the car and told her to get the fuck out of there! But that party missed out, because a little later on Spaz nearly ate cement and then scribbled out an autograph (which probably looked like this) while her titty hung out of her dress. We can all finally exhale a huge sigh of relief now that the new Tara Reid has been anointed. All hail:
I’m glad to see that SOMEBODY at the Golden Globes took advantage of the full bottles of Moet on the table. I bet even Spaz’s hungover piss has bubbles in it. I love her.