This face is probably going to end up on a milk carton this week, because Ricky Gervais’ “I Don’t Give A Fuck About Shit” opening monologue at the Golden Globes last night pulled the white towel off John Travolta giving sauna head and threw rusty nails at St. Angie’s halo for making cardboard look like a living thing in The Tourist. This is the first time in history where Xenu, L. Ron Hubbard’s hologram, GOD and Rojo Caliente gathered together in a top secret location (aka the back room of an IHOP) to throw darts at Ricky Gervais’ picture. Ricky’s house is most likely crawling with information-sucking Thetans and Sarah Jessica Parker is using her demon powers to suck it into the underworld, but it was worth it!
Instead of standing up there and pulling Hollywood’s panties down to jack them off while licking their tips, Ricky put a lighter up to their assholes and gave them heat. Some people grow ovaries from seeing videos of kittens giving a saliva bath to puppies, but I grow ovaries of cuntiness from watching monologues like Ricky’s. Ricky fertilized my cuntaries with his bitchiness and I hope to give birth to a grouchy baby that repeats this monologue for the rest of its life:
Ricky, if you make it out alive this week, please host EVERYTHING from now on.