What A Difference A Year Makes

January 16, 2011 / Posted by:

This time last year, Vanilla Gorilla was making the award show rounds with Sandra Bullock, right before the Bombshit McGee hit the fan, and here he is back in his monkey suite with Kat Von D at the The Art of Elysium charity gala in L.A. last night. And Vanilla Gorilla still looks like he’s in the middle of an embalming fluid colonic and the technician is like, “HOLD IT IN!!!” Just uncomfortable as all hell.

Kat Von D, wearing a dress so tight I can see the outline of her labia tattoo, is all over his ass and he’s just standing there as stiff as an Alfred Hitchcock silhouette poster hanging over a hillbilly’s trailer toilet. It’s like he’d rather be at temple than in front of the camera. But not Kat Von D. Bitch is loving it. She wants you to talk about the ring on her LOOKIMNOTENGAGEDIMJUSTLOOKINGFORFUCKINGATTENTION finger. Moving on…

You know, The Art of Elysium gala should have temporarily changed its name to the Art of Asylum gala, because bitches looked straight-up CRAZY last night. Julia Stiles was greasy and bloated for no reason. Unless her reason is that she’s pregnant with a pizza slice from Chuck E. Cheese. Seriously, you can wring out a slice of Chuck E. Cheese pizza and have enough lube to last night you the rest of the year.

But nobody brought the crazy last night the way Rachel Griffiths (below left) did. Rachel was in Six Feet Under, so she usually gets a free pass from me, but I cannot ignore this disaster. Bitch, Jane Child (below right), YOU ARE NOT.

Leave the frizzy Beeker mullets to the professionals! Rachel was definitely trying to summon the second coming of Jane Child, but she looked more like Billy Ray Cyrus at his audition for the role of Magua in The Last of the Mohicans. Rachel, meditate more or fire your hair stylist so this never happens again.

Here’s a few others at last night’s event including: Kat Von D with VG, Rachel Ray Cyrus with her husband Andrew Taylor, DEVO!!!!, Eva Mendes, Kiki Dunst, Rachel Bilson, Leighton Meester, Nicole Richie, Amber Heard, James Franco, Camilla Belle with Jakey, Julia Stiles, Gerard Butler, Jennifer Hate Hewitt and Kelly Osbourne.

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