The theme of 2011 so far is BABIES!!!!, so I thought it was fitting that Natalie Portman’s marinating swanling (who has already graduated from Harvard, thankyouverymuch) host this bitch. You know, Natalie Portman would look so much better if a Valentine’s Day teddy bear was hugging her from the back and the words “Will You Be Mine?” were written on her belly in glittery red puffy paint. Since tomorrow is Martin Luther King Day, she probably thought that going full Valentine’s Day is sort of a tacky move. Good thinking, Nat.
My ass won’t be drunkbonging the Golden Globes on the site, but I will be drizzling my usual rambling dingles of ridiculousness on Twatter, so pull up a keg and put on a bib if you want to join me there. If not, see you in the morning so we can all talk about how we made the worst decision of our lives by watching all 200 hours of that mess.