Open Post: Hosted By The Forever Lazy

January 13, 2011 / Posted by:

There’s a few issues I have with using the word “lazy” in the title of this footless onesie for adults who just don’t give a fuck anymore. The word “lazy” does not apply when I have to burn a few Doritos calories on using my hand to unzip the back flap when “duty calls.” When doody does call, I still have lift my ass up off my stained La-Z-Boy and aim for the non-working toilet next to it. More Doritos calories burned. What the “Forever Lazy” really needs is a fleece-covered colostomy bag that doubles as a muff for warming my hands. A colostomuff!

The word “lazy” also does not apply when I have to snap my fingers at my 30 cats to form a totem pole at the front door so they can let in the dude who delivers my 3 orders of biscuits and gravy. Snapping my fingers burns at least 100 Doritos calories. Another problem that needs solving.

This Teletubbies mess doesn’t promote laziness, it promotes burning calories! I’m practically out of breath just thinking about all the things I have to do to get this Snuggie suit to work right! They should really call this shit Forever Alone Forever Active. Call up the Better Business Bureau, because we’ve got FRAUD ALERT here.

via Jezebel

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