You Already Know What This Post Is About

January 12, 2011 / Posted by:

It’s safe to assume that the trick in every single picture I post this week is at some stage of pregnancy. If I put up a picture of Phoebe Price, send her a pair of tiny chick cutlets, because she’s knocked up. If I put up a picture of Maddox, send him a rattle that doubles as a samurai sword and a black onesie, because he’s knocked up too. And now, Kate Hudson is joining the slobber party too. At least that’s what UsWeekly’ssource” says, but I believe it.

I bet that when Kate jumps on her Blackberry to text out a denial to her publicist, she’s going to feel a can-can kick to her womb as soon as she hits send. Bitch, it’s inevitable. You can padlock your ovaries and stick a Ke$hacrow up your vag to scare the sperm, but it still won’t stop them. They’re gonna git you! This is what UsWeekly has to say about Kate’s current uterus situation:

A source confirms exclusively in the new Us Weekly, out Wednesday, that Kate Hudson, 31, is 14 weeks pregnant with boyfriend Matthew Bellamy’s baby.

“It was not planned, but they are excited and embracing it,” the source reveals to Us. The insider adds that the actress, who has been dating the Muse frontman, 32, for nine months, is stoked for her 7-year-old son Ryder (with ex-husband Chris Robinson, 44) to have a little playmate.

“She is happy for Ryder to finally have a brother or sister,” says the source.

I sort of love the picture above of Kate and Matt trying to be slick. Kate spotted the paps and is like, “QUICK! Put your back to mine, so it doesn’t look like you have me on my back most of the time. We’ll fool them!” Obviously, genitals pointing the other way equals NOT FUCKING.

Actually, this picture probably shows the conception of Kate’s second baby. Matt’s peen retreated into his crotch, shot a jizz load that spiraled through his body, jumped out of his anus, flew up and out of his sweats and penetrated one of Kate’s ovaries by entering her no-no. And yes, I am completely sober this morning which explains that last “MAKES NO SENSE” sentence.

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