Oh, Golden Voice!

January 12, 2011 / Posted by:

Golden Voice’s heartwarming story about his rise from the cardboard box cabana to NATIONAL FAME has just taken a nosedive into Jerry Springer territory. Oh here go hell come. Ted Williams and his daughter both got into some trouble with the LAPD on Monday night after they had a huge fight in his hotel room in Hollywood. Ted needs more people (or some people, at least), because he immediately gave an interview to Entertainment Tonight about what went down in his hotel room. Ted’s daughter also gave her side of the story to Dr. Phil. Yes, that rancid scent clogging up your nostrils is coming from the coagulated sperm balls that secreted out of Dr. Phil’s head pores after he landed this story.

Ted claims that his daughter is a greedy money-grubber who has threatened to sell him out for a quick cashiers check if he doesn’t give her a cut. Ted also says that the cuts on his face are from his daughter attacking his ass like a wild banshee. But Ted’s daughter says that he’s the giant ball of anger and that his newfound fame has pushed him back into his old ways. She says that he’s back on the bottle. Specifically, the Grey Goose bottle.

What part of the game is this? This is not the option I chose in the Choose Your Own Adventure book titled: The Rise of Golden Voice! From crackhead to homeless man to America’s sweetheart to tabloid star to cast member on Celebrity Rehab. It’s like we saved a baby chick with a broken leg, brought it into our homes, made it a makeshift splint with Band-Aids and a matchstick, pet it gently on the head…..and then quickly punched in the beak and ripped off that splint with a staple remover.

Well, but at least Golden Voice went with Grey Goose. Good choice!

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