Well, At Least Charlie Sheen Didn’t Lock Her In The Closet

If you build a porn convention, Charlie Sheen will come… Well, technically it will take a marathon handjob, a couple of lube kegs, a few Viagra freebases, a dozen girl-on-girl shows, a full petting zoo and the cast of Little Legends to make Charlie come close to cumming since coke is a known jizz plug. But what I’m trying to say is that the Adult Entertainment Expo hit Las Vegas over the weekend and of course Charlie was there with bells on his cock ring. TMZ says that even though his bosses want him to go to rehab, he was downing vodka shots and partying with porn stars including 23-year-old Bree Olson (the jam licker above).

Sources say that Grey Goose and Bree Olson weren’t Charlie’s only party favors in the Hugh Hefner suite at The Palms Casino. Charlie also brought two other porn stars up to his room. UsWeekly says that before they went up to his suite, Charlie was whining to people at the bar that executives from CBS are begging him to dry out. And of course, Charlie answered their pleas by making his liver scream for mercy and humping on Bree, who won the AVN for Best Anal Scene in 2008, thankyouverymuch.

Charlie Sheen partying with porn stars in Las Vegas is just like my therapist hanging up on me every time I call. It’s not a shocking event! As long as Charlie’s got a checking account full of cash, he’s going to snort lines off of leased pussy. It’s just the way. But Charlie does have a way of finding the most dedicated pussy peddlers out there. Imagine sucking on Charlie’s permasoft coked up peen? That’s some comatose dick and it’s not even trying to get up. MAN DOWN CODE 10 dick. Giving Charlie a blow job would be like trying to eat a giant piece of dry brisket without any teeth. You’re just gumming on that shit and waiting for it to go down. That takes real patience.