Chupa Is Having A Boy!

In the picture above taken on December 22nd of last year, Rachel “Chupacabra” Zoe is about 6 months pregnant and she still looks about as small as a hog-nosed bat’s snorting tube. But it’s not like any of us ever expected Chupa to get as big as a house….or even as big as a dollhouse…or a Micro Machine police station. Basically, whoever is handling Chupa’s c-section better bring a microscope to the delivery room, because her baby is going to be as small as the kidney stones Taylor used to spit out whenever Brad didn’t UNPACK THE DAMN BOXES! Chupa also confirmed that she’s giving birth to a little Thumbelino!

In an interview with Women’s Wear Daily (via UsWeekly), Chupa patted her flat stomach and referred to the tiny raisinette inside as a “he.” Chupa also said that her husband of 12 years Rodger Berman regularly kisses her belly before saying some shit like, “It’s a little boy.”

I’m not sure what’s a bigger mess. Chupa dressing her newborn baby boy in a capelet made from the manes of persian ponies, or that she’s obviously going to name her son “Bananas Chanel.” Oh, please let her name him Bananas Chanel!