Somewhere Jennifer Love Hewitt is biting off pieces of raw Crescent Roll dough while stroking the “This Generation’s Audrey Hepburn: Jennifer Love Hewitt” certificate she made herself, because Jakey Gyllenhaal called Natalie Portman the true reincarnation of Audrey Hepburn. Or some mess like this. Jakey pursed his precious lips and said this at the Palm Springs International Film Festival this past weekend:
“Natalie is the Audrey Hepburn of our generation. She is elegant, graceful, has amazing eyebrows … is talented, really short, funny, smart, dedicated, incredibly kind. She’s a vegan, which makes it really frustrating when you’re picking a place to eat. She’s also recently announced that she’s going to be a mom, and her child will probably need therapy after seeing Black Swan.”
“Has amazing eyebrows….“? Jakey is a fellow eyebrow aficionado whose lash tips tingle at the sight of a perfectly executed arch? If Mah Boo doesn’t devote an entire show to the history of the cholita brow, I’m going to rename my boyfriend pillow “Jakey.” But back to the mess at hand….
Jakey needs to stop! Natalie Portman is not the Audrey Hepburn of our anything. Jake is more of a modern day Audrey than Natalie’s ass is! Don’t believe me? Picture Natalie gliding down a flight of stairs with chiffon blowing behind her the way she did in Funny Face. Now let’s see Jakey do the same thing: