The Perfect Side Dish For Rachael Ray’s Microwave Bacon

January 8, 2011 / Posted by:

You’ve already mastered Rachael Ray’s Le Cordon Bleu-worthy recipe for microwaved bacon and now here’s your next challenge: Paula Deen’s canned peas in a pot recipe! Once Sandra Lee’s recipe for Easy Mac hits Food Network’s site, we’ll have ourselves a full fucking meal!

The Land O’ Lakes Indian Maiden’s adoptive mother, Paula Deen, is going to change your culinary life with her innovative recipe for English Peas…..which is more like Spears Peas (or Cyrus Peas). There’s a good chance it’s much too complicated for your ass to conquer. If that’s the case, just melt the butter and serve it in a plastic tub. Or you know, you can just throw a half stick of butter on the table and let everyone scratch each other’s eyes out for a piece. That’s how the Deen family does it, I’m sure. And really, only half a stick of butter? That must be a typo. Paula clearly meant half a carton of butter.

Just like with Rachael Ray’s complex bacon recipe that will win her a James Beard Award this year, the comments in Paula’s recipe are the best ingredient! Examples:

You need to be clearer in your recipes. I melted the butter with a small amount of pot (about two joints’ worth in the microwave then added the peas. Since I only cooked until the peas were warm the marijuana was still basically raw. The stems made it really unpleasant.

Perhaps in the future you could substitute “saucepan” for “pot”. It’s confusing. – rudyrucksack

This was outstanding! I did make a couple modifications. I eliminated the butter, and in place of the peas I substituted one can of Chef Boyardee spaghetti and meatballs. – paschabloomington

Whoa, whoa, whoa Paula. This is really complicated for me. Now…A half stick of butter? See, this is why I’l never be as good of a cook as you. As I was cutting the butter I had no idea that my friend was using the Necronomicon in the other room. As I did I unleashed an old God into that stick of butter. I morphed into a terrible butter demon of 1,000 horrors. Thinking quickly I used it’s only weakness against it…a heated butter knife. I sliced at the creature and it screams echoed like the wail of millions of banshee’s. – number17

Sandra Lee, it’s time to step up to the hot plate and show these bitches how lazy is really done.

Source: FNH via Fark

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