The world is changing more and more every single day. And bizarre shit just keeps happening. Thousands of animals are dropping dead, Raven-Symone got skinny, Pauly D and Chloe “No, I’m not putting that pair of boobies symbol over the e in your first name” Sevigny had a conversation, Chili’s closed and I actually read two pages of a book that didn’t have a touch of leopard-print on its cover. Strange shit. But even though we’re all caught in a confusing tornado of uncertainty (aka the same feeling you get when you read a Courtney Love Tweet while sober), there’s one solid thing you can always count on no matter what. You can always count on Phoebe Price and her apocalyptic-proof pose game.
A swarm of locusts could be flying up PP’s nostrils and she’d still pop her hip and pose like she’s an illustration on a Vogue pattern book. Khloe Kardashian could attack PP and NOM NOM NOM on her chicken cutlets, and she’d still pose like a Sunday school teacher at Barbizon. Where there’s a camera (and a Dollar Tree that still sells dusty fake “gag” teeth), there’s a way! Actually, I take that back. You don’t even need an actual working camera to get PP to pose.
When the world is covered in nothing but ash, Paris Hilton’s panties (that shit don’t decompose) and roach legs, PP will still give you what you want. Lick the tip of that roach leg, dip it in a little ash, draw a picture of a camera on Parasite’s panties, aim it at PP and…..BAM! Our true beacon of hope!