The Twihard Epidemic Knows No Bounds!

January 6, 2011 / Posted by:

Meet 49-year-old Cathy Ward, a devout Twihard who is so devoted to her gods Edward, Bella and Jacob that she created a tattoo altar to them on her back. “Well, I guess it’s missionary and front cowgirl for the rest of our marriage.” – Cathy’s husband of 18 years

Cathy, a bakery clerk from Reading, Berkshire in England, spent 22 hours of her time on a tattoo artist’s table and £2,000 from her savings account to pay homage to CRAZY…and her idols. Cathy says that she owes everything to the Twilight characters since they helped her lose some chunk. You see, Cathy stopped licking cream off the cakes at work and instead made her own batch of coochie cream from reading all the books. Coochie cream must be loaded with fat cells, because Cathy dropped 14 dress sizes in only 6 months.

Cathy isn’t done with Twittoo fuckery, either. Cathy is already making plans to get Edward inked onto her belly. Cathy explains to the Daily Mail, “I love Robert Pattinson. I want to tone up so I can get his character Edward Cullen on my stomach. The way I look at it I could be spending the money on going out drinking and eating but instead I’m spending it on something I am really passionate about. I have got a cross trainer, rowing machine and hand weights and I work out in my spare room which has got Twilight pictures all over the walls. I watch the films or listen to the soundtracks as I exercise. It has worked miracles. I have never been more positive, more outgoing, fit and never had so much fun in my life.”

Doesn’t it sort of look like Bella is rising out of Cathy’s ass crack to kiss Edward? Do with that what you will. You know, I could sit here and waste key stroke after key stroke on judging Cathy’s life choices, but I just can’t do it. I mean, how can I throw hate at a woman who keeps a beautiful portrait of a ginger kitty over her mirror? Cathy obviously has impeccable taste.

To recap: Cathy has a beautiful portrait of a ginger kitty over her mirror. Your argument is invalid.

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