Here’s the charbroiled ghost of The Situation’s future covering his face with a catalog featuring his daughter spreading it for the cameras. We’re already way too intimate with the Lohan family and then Michael Lohan does this? JUST NO.
When Michael wasn’t giving us the perfect picture of wrongness, he was moving boxes out of his daughter’s West Hollywood apartment and into a van which will eventually makes its way to her new $7,000 a month house in Venice, CA. And conveniently, it’s right next door to the house where her former partner in pussy SamRo lives.
Apparently, SamRo isn’t exactly queefing out balls of happiness about her ex/sometimes friend/one-time stalker living so close to her personal space. But fear not, SamRo! You might not have to dive under your sofa every time the doorbell rings or park 5 blocks away and tiptoe up to your place like a stealth lesbininja so LiLo’s crazy ass doesn’t know you’re home. There’s a possibility that LiLo won’t even get a chance to borrow a cup of coke from SamRo, because she might be checking back into Lynwood for 180 days instead.
Remember when LiLo allegedly sprained the arm of a Betty Ford employee by yanking the phone out of her hand during an early morning fight? Two seconds after the incident, the employee, Dawn Holland, was all about pressing charges against LiLo. But a check from the Lohans got her tongue, because Dawn changed her mind and pleaded with the authorities to not pursue charges. Dawn also said that she will no longer cooperate with the investigation. Well, the Riverside County Sheriff’s Department has shit all over Dawn’s plea and have decided that LiLo violated several aspects of probation. The Sheriff’s Department will now send the case to the district attorney’s office.
LiLo is expected back in court on February 1st for a probation review.
Jesus. Not a day goes by when this fucking mess isn’t in danger of going to jail again. Leave it to this trick to find a way to violate her probation IN REHAB. Rehab is supposed to be a place that keeps you out of trouble. Damn. If my abuelita was in LiLo’s life, she’d tie that crackie to a bed and read passages from The Reina-Valera out loud during the commercial breaks in her novellas. But even then, LiLo would still find a way to fuck shit up. Like she’d probably call my abuelita a curse word in FULL VOICE. If that shit happened, going to jail would be the least of LiLo’s problems. Bitch would have to learn how to say “it wasn’t me” in sign language and master the skill of swallowing solid foods through her nostrils.