I was under the impression that England’s finest rose Jodie Marsh was the only talented tailor who could create a stunning titty-apron-thing out of duct tape, coasters from Party City and a piece from Liberace’s hammock. But I better slide out from under that impression, because I was wrong. JWoww, the stunning Jersey Shore nymph who is about as natural as a Chicken McNugget, has achieved the impossible: she has found a way of making the dickey look both dignified and practical. A feat that even Jodie Marsh has yet to conquer.
On New Year’s Eve, most of us have to crawl, slide and roll down the long road of embarrassment to get to our final state of the night: half-naked with duct tape over our nipples. But JWoww cut out all the embarrassing shit and went straight for it. Whoever said that JWoww is a dumb whore with jacuzzi sludge for brains better take that hurtful shit back. The bitch has ideas! Sadly, the dumb whores at MTV don’t agree with me.
UsWeekly says that they forced JWoww to cover up her elegance with a white blazer before their New Year’s Eve Special went live. This is coming from a network that airs close-ups of The Situation’s face without forewarning their viewers to proceed at their own discretion. MTV wouldn’t know taste if it gave them genital warts.
And if you need something challenging to keep you occupied for the next few hours (or days), point out the most natural globes in this picture. Actually, I think that’s a trick question.