Please Tell Me Schneider Gave Her Away

January 2, 2011 / Posted by:

At the end of 2010, the cherubs gathered together to burn their arrows in a giant bonfire before partaking in a massive coke-fueled casual fuck orgy, because they no longer gave an ASS about anything since it looked like love was done forever. But today, those cherubs are shaking off the pain in their raw fuck parts so that they can whittle new arrows now that LOVE is back! Case in point: Valerie Bertinelli slid a hitchin’ gown over her Jenny Craig-produced body yesterday to get married to her piece of 7 long years, financial planner Tom Vitale.

People says that 50-year-old Valerie and 49-year-old Tom said vows and shit to each other at their home in Malibu last night in front of 100 guests including her ex-husband Eddie Van Halen and her 19-year-old son Wolfie.

Tom looks like he’s one stache-shaving away from starring in a NOT RIGHT porn parody of Gandhi and it also looks like he jizzes out lemon-scented multi-purpose cleaner if you rub his head a few times, so Valerie definitely made the right choice.

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