What Is The World Coming To: Royals Without Servants

You would think that by marrying a prince you’d get a servant to wipe your ass, a servant to spray lavender oil on your after-BM anus, a servant to pick our your eye snots, a servant to make sure the butter slices fully melt in your baked potato before serving it (I HATE NON-MELTED BUTTER SLICES), etc… etc… The whole point of marrying a prince is so you don’t have to live like a dirty filthy commoner anymore. But Kate Middleton will have to continue to live like a dirty filthy commoner, because word is that she won’t have any household help after she married Prince William. The poor homeless peasants on the street are like, “It’s so hard being Prince Willy and Kate.”

Prince Charles has a staff of 150 that costs around $9.6 million a year, but Prince William and Kate want to live like the normal people do. They will do their own laundry, cooking, and cleaning. They will only employ bodyguards to protect them while they try to live like all of us. A source tells The Telegraph, “They want to do their duty and make sure they are a real asset to the country but they are private individuals who want to get on with their lives. Prince William is not into extravagance and, like any other young officer in the armed forces, that is how he chooses to live his life. He and Catherine live without domestic staff and they wouldn’t do it any other way. That’s the life they want to lead.”

Well, there goes my plan of getting a job as Kate’s lady-in-waiting so that I can get closer to the torch of the royal family Prince Hot Ginge. Wait. On second thought, The Telegraph’s article didn’t say anything about Prince Hot Ginge going SANS SLAVES. I’m sure he still employs a full-time servant to gently brush his ginger crotch bush hundreds of times a day. Get me a fireplace glove and point me toward the royal job fair!