What Beyonce Got For Christmas

Beyonce’s purse closet is now almost as big as her temperature-controlled wig warehouse thanks what her husband Jay-Z put under their tree (made of weave scraps dyed green and decorated with bedazzled moth ball ornaments from Basement Baby) this year. Page Six says that on Christmas Eve, Jay-Z swept through the Hermes store in NYC like a Kardashian and dropped hundreds of thousands of dollars on a bunch of stupid purses that Beyonce probably already owns in every color and animal hide. The words IN THIS ECONOMY have no place in Jay-Z’s head.

Some source laid it out like this, “Jay was in a private room of Hermes doing last-minute shopping. He had a guard standing watch outside. He spent $350,000 on Birkin bags, among other things. The buying binge took so long, Jay-Z missed his scheduled lunch at Nello, prompting the restaurateur to deliver his food to the store.”

And now we know what Beyonce put on the dumbwaiter and sent down to Solange on Boxing Day: a bunch of orange Hermes boxes, tissue paper and ribbon. Hey, it was either that or some shit from House of Derriere, so Solange totally made out this year! But seriously, if Hermes really wants to double their sales next Christmas, they should put out a line of lacefront carriers and mink-lined wig caps.